Making Friends

When I moved to Salem four years ago I knew that some friendships would be tested, others fall away, and still others become stronger. I anticipated I'd need to make new friends too, in my new town.

Awesome group of friends, celebrating my birthday a few years ago.

When I returned to Eugene this summer I also anticipated that I'd find myself being invited to do things and having a full social calendar once again. In particular I imagined my close friends and I would hang out, get drinks go do things. I didn't really examine the reasoning behind this impression, it just felt like it would be so.

That's not what's happened. I adore the time I get to spend with Ben. I am so thrilled to be with him, and to be back in Eugene. But I'm lonely too.

Upon reflection, of the close friends I spent time with before moving, two have moved away, one's currently on tour working her dream job, and another doesn't seem to have a lot of time for friends or socialization right now.

I find myself lonely, and once again faced with trying to make new friends as an adult. I didn't expect that. So what is one to do when your close friends don't seem to be available?

Last time I put myself out there, auditioned for a play, went out to yoga classes. It feels strange doing that in my home town, and for all of my hard work last time, I'm not sure how many of those relationships I forged will bear the test of time. Maybe that's not the important part.

Makes me wish there was a tinder for female friends in their 30s.

5 year mission

I've quite deliberately spend the last several years without a so-called 'five year plan'. I made this choice in the aftermath of my seperation and divorce as a way to give myself some much needed space to reconnect with myself. So much of my time during my 20s was spent looking to the next big thing, planning for the future with my husband, or trying to achieve some self imposed goal. Part of what landed me in an unhappy marriage feeling miserable, was my lack of flexibility when it came to my plan, and what I thought I should be doing with my time. I felt that because I'd said I wanted something at one time, I was obligated to follow through on it. 

The intervening time, I've taken the opportunities that have come, and tried to learn more about being in the moment. (Still a lot of learning to do there). I've taken a job that wasn't what I thought I wanted, and found it incredibly rewarding and incredibly stressful, I've focused on my music in new ways, gone on adventures all over the nation, taken different approaches to my health, become engaged in my union, and had positive and negative experiences in every avenue I 've explored. I've become more secure and centered in my identity, but no less sure of what I want to be when I 'grow up'.

The time has come for a new 5 year mission. Mine's not as exciting as that of The Enterprise. Strange new worlds and new life are not what I seek, but it's time for me to stop just going with the flow and decide what direction I'm going.

There's a lot of things I don't know. But I want to start with what I do know. 

• I want to continue to work with young people in education
• I am passionate about serving students that are marginalized or otherwise under-served by institutionalized learning. 
• I do not want to be a classroom teacher forever
• I need to step away from the 'front lines' of teaching the most difficult students soon
• I am not done learning and expanding my skill set
• I am excellent at teaching my content, I have room to improve my communication with resistant and unengaged learners. 
• I am interested in learning more about restorative justice, culturally responsive teaching and trauma sensitive schools. 
• I am a union supporter, but I don't see union leadership as my path
• I will continue to be present for, and support my partner in his goals.

There are a few things I want to explore to help me decide where to go next. 

• Pursue Restorative Justice Training
• Consider the options for transferring to a comprehensive school for the 2018-19 school year
• Learn about what the process to become an administrator would entail
• Ask questions about what other career paths in education could look like. 

Finally, I've gotten a lot of good advice over the past few days as I've been considering my future. 

• Stay in the moment, be present. 
• Don't take things personally, especially not from students
• Continue to push myself to improve, regardless 

Any other words of wisdom as I embark on the next stage of my journey?