Bored and Overwhelmed?

Ah May, a challenging time of year for any teacher. Students are getting hyped up, hormones are often flying. Behaviors are ramping up, and patience is running low. I've set up my social studies lessons such that students are working independently on a travel themed project, learning all about a country that they've planned a trip to.

I have plenty that I should do. I have my final unit to plan for. I have grading I could do. Tests to write. I could be organizing my table. I could even be working on a personal project without it interfering with my supervision of my students projects. And yet... I can't quite bring myself to do it. When I think about how much work I have to get done between now and June 15th, I get a bit panicky. And yet sitting her at my desk, as my students silently work (or waste time, not completing the assignment), it seems almost impossible for me to get my brain into the right mode to plan and strategize for the end of the year.

I'm sleepy, that is part of it. And I'm struggling to focus as I continue to put finishing details on my planned trip to Europe this summer, but that's not quite it. I imagine I must be experiencing something similar to the paralysis my students seem to get when math is both too hard and also boring. The struggle is finding the wherewithal to still do my job well.

Morning Routine: Transitioning to Habit

I stopped near Corvallis to take this picture last week. I couldn't believe the sunrise! 

I've been commuting an hour and change to work 5 days a week for almost 3 months now. The most impactful element of this change has been my morning and bed time routines. I very purposefully created routines before school began, and have implemented and tweaked them with as much authenticity and dedication as I can muster. As it stands, my morning routine is particularly effective, and I am noticing positive changes in my life and attitude that I am attributing to the current schedule.

5AM Only 1 snooze allowed

This is mostly for Ben's sake, but I reap the benefit of not wasting 15 or 20 (or more!) minutes trying to drag myself out of bed. 

5:07-5:17 5-10 minutes of yoga

 This was originally part of my hope for my routine but I struggled to do it without any sort of structure. When I went to Halloween Glowga with the amazing Mikki Trowbridge she recommended the YogaGlo app as a fairly inexpensive on demand yoga app with good teachers and a wide variety of lengths, styles and more. I've only been back on the yoga train about a week, but I think it's going to stick. I may go into a more in depth review of YogaGlo later, once I've got a bit more experience with it under my belt. 

5:17-5:40 Dress, shower, do hair & makeup, brush teeth

After yoga, I might shower (I don't shower every day, my body doesn't need it, and I don't like to dry my skin out, or waste the water. I may just wash my face, or I may not...). I have a pretty simple beauty routine, which typically takes 10 minutes or less, depending on how much I have to do, and whether my eyebrows need touching up. 

5:40-5:50 Prep coffee/breakfast, collect lunch items

I've been doing Bulletproof Coffee, but I'm not sure if I'm going to stick with it or not. When my current bottle of the branded oil is empty, I'm going to return to my normal routine  (regular coffee with half and half and a protein shake) and see if I notice any negative changes, as I didn't notice any significant positive changes with the bulletproof coffee in regards to energy, efficiency or weight loss. I'm pretty good at making sure I've pre-loaded the coffee so it's already brewed when I come downstairs. I usually already have prepped any lunch materials and so I only need to pull them out of the fridge (or fruit bowl!)  and place them on the small table near the front door that I use as a staging area. I also place my phone or other items that I don't want to forget in that staging area. 

5:50-6AM Meditation

 I had the great pleasure of doing Light Watkins' 21 Day Yoga Meditation from Wanderlust. It was the most approachable, enjoyable guided meditation I've ever  done. I haven't purchased the videos (yet!) because I can't justify the expense just now, but I recommend the series to anyone! When it was finished, I did a few with the Calm app, but didn't enjoy it as much. Fortunately YogaGlo has dozens of meditations, so I've been using those the last week. 

6:00-6:10 Anything else?

On a good day, this last ten minutes is for me to glance at my Facebook, play a move on Word with Friends or some other silly task. My kitties usually climb all over me during my meditation, and I think the cuddles are almost as important as the meditation itself. 

 Often though,  something has delayed me and I am running behind, or once or twice a week I leave early so I can get gas before hitting the road.




6:10 Say goodbye and hit the road

The last thing I do before heading out the door is I kiss Ben goodbye and tell him I love him. I'm typically in the car and on the road by 6:20. 

I have noticed that I have been more relaxed, less reactive and more able to find humor in my job lately. The nature of the routine, being predictable and second nature, and the inclusion of meditation and now some yoga, are going a long way in helping me to be more centered and receptive. I'm really proud of my routine, and in turn, the dedication I've had in the evening that allows me to be set up for this early morning success.

Making Friends

When I moved to Salem four years ago I knew that some friendships would be tested, others fall away, and still others become stronger. I anticipated I'd need to make new friends too, in my new town.

Awesome group of friends, celebrating my birthday a few years ago.

When I returned to Eugene this summer I also anticipated that I'd find myself being invited to do things and having a full social calendar once again. In particular I imagined my close friends and I would hang out, get drinks go do things. I didn't really examine the reasoning behind this impression, it just felt like it would be so.

That's not what's happened. I adore the time I get to spend with Ben. I am so thrilled to be with him, and to be back in Eugene. But I'm lonely too.

Upon reflection, of the close friends I spent time with before moving, two have moved away, one's currently on tour working her dream job, and another doesn't seem to have a lot of time for friends or socialization right now.

I find myself lonely, and once again faced with trying to make new friends as an adult. I didn't expect that. So what is one to do when your close friends don't seem to be available?

Last time I put myself out there, auditioned for a play, went out to yoga classes. It feels strange doing that in my home town, and for all of my hard work last time, I'm not sure how many of those relationships I forged will bear the test of time. Maybe that's not the important part.

Makes me wish there was a tinder for female friends in their 30s.

5 year mission

I've quite deliberately spend the last several years without a so-called 'five year plan'. I made this choice in the aftermath of my seperation and divorce as a way to give myself some much needed space to reconnect with myself. So much of my time during my 20s was spent looking to the next big thing, planning for the future with my husband, or trying to achieve some self imposed goal. Part of what landed me in an unhappy marriage feeling miserable, was my lack of flexibility when it came to my plan, and what I thought I should be doing with my time. I felt that because I'd said I wanted something at one time, I was obligated to follow through on it. 

The intervening time, I've taken the opportunities that have come, and tried to learn more about being in the moment. (Still a lot of learning to do there). I've taken a job that wasn't what I thought I wanted, and found it incredibly rewarding and incredibly stressful, I've focused on my music in new ways, gone on adventures all over the nation, taken different approaches to my health, become engaged in my union, and had positive and negative experiences in every avenue I 've explored. I've become more secure and centered in my identity, but no less sure of what I want to be when I 'grow up'.

The time has come for a new 5 year mission. Mine's not as exciting as that of The Enterprise. Strange new worlds and new life are not what I seek, but it's time for me to stop just going with the flow and decide what direction I'm going.

There's a lot of things I don't know. But I want to start with what I do know. 

• I want to continue to work with young people in education
• I am passionate about serving students that are marginalized or otherwise under-served by institutionalized learning. 
• I do not want to be a classroom teacher forever
• I need to step away from the 'front lines' of teaching the most difficult students soon
• I am not done learning and expanding my skill set
• I am excellent at teaching my content, I have room to improve my communication with resistant and unengaged learners. 
• I am interested in learning more about restorative justice, culturally responsive teaching and trauma sensitive schools. 
• I am a union supporter, but I don't see union leadership as my path
• I will continue to be present for, and support my partner in his goals.

There are a few things I want to explore to help me decide where to go next. 

• Pursue Restorative Justice Training
• Consider the options for transferring to a comprehensive school for the 2018-19 school year
• Learn about what the process to become an administrator would entail
• Ask questions about what other career paths in education could look like. 

Finally, I've gotten a lot of good advice over the past few days as I've been considering my future. 

• Stay in the moment, be present. 
• Don't take things personally, especially not from students
• Continue to push myself to improve, regardless 

Any other words of wisdom as I embark on the next stage of my journey?

Summer Goals - An Autumn Review

Found on Agate Beach, Port Orford

At the beginning of June, I wrote in my bullet journal 5 summer goals. All SMART goals even! Super achievable things I wanted to do with my 'off' time.


This summer did not turn out to have much off time.


1. Complete Always Hungry Solution Phase 1 CHECK!
2. Lose 7lbs by the end of August (3 months)
3. Put a poem to melody (write a tune)
4. Weekend away for Ben & I CHECK!
5. Blog every week


Let's reflect, I accomplished 2 out of 5 (sort of).

Eclipse shadows

I did successfully do the Always Hungry Phase 1 (with a tiny bit of Phase 2 food). It felt great to get back to healthy eating after a few months of making do with a lot of take out, processed foods and sugars and carbs. I even got back to running during this period of time. Unfortunately, immediately after finishing Phase 1, we spent a week with Ben's brother and most of the healthy eating went out the window. We were up in Salem partially for some family stuff, and also to play a gig for an Eclipse party! The eclipse was an incredible thing to witness, I can't express how glad I am I got to be in the path of totality, but in the mean time the celebrating got a little bit out of hand.


Going right along with not sticking to those eating plans, I did not lose 7 pounds. I was staying right around the same until August. Between travel, extreme heat (we had more then a week when we were in the high 90s and 100s) and many late nights (resulting in sleeping later) my exercise routing also fell to the likes of summer. Then, near the end of the month, the smoke from wildfires made running a literal health hazard. I've gained weight this summer, which means I'm nearly as heavy as I was before I joined weight watchers so many years ago in the first place. I've broken down and joined a gym near my house so the smoke won't stop me any more, and I'm back to tracking my food on weight watchers. Now just to re-break the sugar habit.

I simply didn't decide to sit down and write a tune. This terrifies me. I am so afraid that it will be hard, or I won't be good at it, or I won't like what I write. My brain runs in every possible direction to avoid being forced to write music. Despite the fact that I would love to perform my own music. I can't pin my brain down, but it's fear of mediocrity is strong, and my rational brain can't convince the scared little perfectionist inside that failure and writing crap is just part of the journey and that I can't get anywhere if I don't just start!

Wave watching on Agate Beach

Ben and I did a wonderful job of doing this this summer! First we spent a week with his brother, which was more about him spending time with his brother then us getting away, but it was a much needed time to just relax without the to-do list of home. We also enjoyed our camp out the night before the eclipse, though it was just one night, we had a romantic evening, and got to witness a once and a lifetime event together. The real trip though, was to lovely little Port Orford on the Southern Oregon Coast.

Port of Port Orford, Dolly Dock 

We stayed in an inexpensive motel with a lot of ...character. But had a blast exploring the little cafes, beaches, parks and historic sites the town had to offer. The weather was perfect, warm and sunny with clear skies during the day. Windy off and on, but not so much it was unpleasant.

Cape Blanco Lighthouse

We met with friends who had recently moved to Port Orford and are building a tiny house there, enjoyed the Crazy Norwegian toured the most westerly lighthouse on the Pacific and watched one of the only Dolly Docks in the world lift a boat out of the sea!

Port Oford Heads Viewpoint

The final goal needs no explanation. This is my first blog post since May, clearly I didn't blog each week. However, as the seasons turn, I'll make some new goals, and perhaps my resolve will fair better for the fall.

De-cluttering and Eclectic Statement Pieces

I've been continuing to try and trim down my wardrobe, and I've come across a puzzling conundrum.

I live and die in my fashion choices with bold statement pieces and stand out looks. I'll find amazing deals on unique tops, shoes or dresses... and then need something to go with it.

I find myself finding something, falling in love with it, but having to buy a top or cardigan to match it. I love my statement pieces and don't want to give them up, but I also recognize having a dresser full of clothing I only wear one way contradicts the philosophy I am pursuing.

A t-shirt for any situation!

What's the happy medium here? Perhaps I keep only my favorite statement pieces, or I specialize my stand out pieces into color palettes and rotate them, similar to a capsule wardrobe?

I continue to struggle to find a color palette for my wardrobe, which most de-cluttering how-tos have as step 2 or 3 on the path to organized minimalism. Though I'm currently very into jewel tones, particularly forest green, navy or royal blue, and burgundy.

I look forward to using my upcoming move as an opportunity to experiment with this. Perhaps using the hanger trick of seeing what I truly wear, or leaving things in boxes (sorted by type) until I go looking for them because I WANT to wear them. I know me, I'll wear things I haven't worn in ages, just so I have the excuse to keep them.

In the mean time I'll continue to mull over the balance of statement pieces and how to integrate them into my soon to be curated closet.

Welcome to the rest of my life?

I've always been fortunate to feel like my body was reliable. I could count on it to carry me where I needed to go, behave predictably, do whatever physical task I needed. I feel betrayed over the last few months. I've never had health problems before, and suddenly I've almost met my insurance deductible by April, and I am dealing with pain!

Some friends and I took a hike last week, I really felt that the next day!

I recognize my privilege here. There are people dealing with real, serious chronic pain every day, but I've never experienced this before! 

I've been dealing with hoarseness, sore throat and voice issues since September. It turns out I have vocal nodes, and am slowly working to heal my voice. 

Right now I am experiencing a mysterious foot pain. It's incredible how much foot pain effects your mood and energy. And yet I just have to take it easy, and wait to see if it goes away. 

More then ever before I feel it in my brain and body when I've drank alcohol the night before. Not the mega hangovers of a college days party, just a dull fuzziness, and physical heaviness, and some achiness. 

So I guess this is aging? Suddenly no longer being able to rely on my body like I once did. Having to pay closer attention to every little pang or sign from my body to be on the lookout for issues. 

I'm starting to notice a change in my skin, more grey hairs on my head, it's harder to lose weight, harder to stay up late. 

I'm still happy to be in my 30s, the wisdom and comfort in myself far outweighs the aches and pains, but this aging thing is starting to take it's toll. 

Getting away with it

Sometimes as a teacher, your accidentally find yourself painted into a corner. Or you stepped on a land mine with a student, that you didn't know would trigger a blow up, and if you'd known it would have such a big response, you wouldn't have chosen that molehill to die on.

Today I founds myself in a situation like this. I was helping two students get started on an assignment we began yesterday. They had struggled yesterday to work on it, and so I was standing nearby,  gently pressuring them to get their materials out, and go to the correct webpage so that they could start the assignment. They escalated their avoid ant behaviors to the point where one boy was just repeating 'go away, go away', in a dismissive and rude tone.

I realized then that the trap had been sprung. I was nearly sure that if I walked away, they would do the assignment, but that meant letting them get away with the rude, disrespectful behavior.

I paused. It was like that moment in a TV show where the world goes into slow motion and the internal monologue voice-over kicks in mulling over the decision. I could keep fighting this, almost certainly feeding the escalation to the point where I was going to have to kick one or both of them out of the classroom, with referrals to boot. Or, I could walk away, get what I originally wanted (them to do the assignment), but give up a little bit of control or power.

I walked away. But I'm still not sure if it was the right choice. These boys have some serious lagging skills having to do with dealing with critique, and transitioning to new activities, and responding to instructions. They don't have the skill to respond well to my gentle pressure. Them telling me to GO AWAY is their version of trying to get to work. But am I in turn teaching them that they can be rude to others, show disrespect to teachers ( and by extension, coworkers or supervisors in the future) and get what they want?

No answers here, just questions. In the moment, I think I made the right choice, but am I trading the success in today's assignment for more failure in the future?

Fear of parenting, side effect of teaching?

For a lot of reasons, that I won't get into here, I am thinking a lot about the possibility of adoption children, rather then having biological children. Reasons span from personal, to political, to social justice related.

But it is a scary proposition. I know you truly never know what type of child you'll get. What the genetic lottery will put together, but some things, like health during pregnancy you can control. You also know what health problems you and your spouse's family have that are risk factors.

I had a student that was adopted. They could be delightful and thoughtful, clever. They also had attachment disorder, serious emotional issues, fetal alcohol syndrome... I don't know their family, or their situation, but I do know their parents are at their wits end for what to do with the child. Having a kiddo like that scares me. I know that any child can have issues, but seeing children like this one, or other kids at my school, makes me afraid of the challenge I'm opening myself up for by becoming a parent at all, let alone an adoptive parent.

I'm so glad that I have waited to have children, and I think I want to be a mother. But it's also a scary prospect.

Clear Messages

Part of my mindfulness goals involve finding ways to do less. Be less busy. Be more intentional with how I spend my time.

Now my health is telling me the same thing. I've struggled with repeated sickness, a hoarse tired voice, and missing work for going on 5 months. I've been to the doctor, and eventually got a referral to an EMT.

He was delightful, gregarious and instantly sized me up with astonishing accuracy. "You are used to being able to do anything you want, and you aren't able to do that right now". He kept comparing my voice to Ferarri, in need of fine tuning.

Long story short, I have some small vocal nodes. He said it's nothing to be astounded by, and that someone who did not specialize in singers may not even had seen them. I also have some antibiotics to take to kick some minor sinusitis, and am supposed to call him back in a few days and let him know if I want allergy testing or a CT scan to determine if there is more making me unwell.

The message is loud and clear though. I need to be more conscientious about how I use my voice, and how I use my body.

I also received the first prescription I've ever heard of for voice lessons from a doctor.

Time to take care of myself and respect my instrument. And now, off to bed early.

Why is Minimalism always so bright white?

I'm very excited to be embarking on a journey towards simplicity with A Simple Year. It coincides with a lot of my goals around decluttering my home, preparing to move in with my partner, simplifying and de-busying my life, and being more deliberate with my finances.

I've been reading a lot more blogs about simplicity and minimalism when it comes to fashion, wardrobes and homes and a commonality that I keep seeing is white, black and pastels.

Source: ianmoorearchitects.com via stylemotivation.com

Don't get me wrong, I love a good black and white, especially in fashion. It's classy and clean. But I am a vibrant and colorful person.

Why is every single blog about minimalism and decluttering seem to think people want a pristine white (boring!) decor?

Where are my minimalists that love color and art? Clean surfaces and fewer items, a streamlines closet, everything in it's place. But with vivid design, textures and maybe a vintage feel?

Anyone help a girl out?

MindShift - Thrift Stores

Thrifts store shopping is my family pastime. I finally accepted this when my parents came to visit a few years ago for Mother's Day and we had an hour to kill before lunch so we made a bee-line for the nearest Good Will and all came away with bags of treasures. It's in my blood.

Recent Thrift Store Find
Dance shoes! Score!

I've been working hard to pursue more minimalism and mindfulness in my possessions. The other day I took a couple of bags down to my local Value Village, and as per normal took a lap around the store to glance through coats, dress and shoes. I noticed for the first time that I was looking at the racks differently.

I've trained my eye, over the years, to pick out quality of material and construction on the rack. I hone in on the wools, silks and linens, and then consider if it would look good on me, match anything I own, or be a fun addition to my wardrobe. I arrive at the dressing room with a pile, and dive headfirst in, ruthlessly eliminating things that don't fit, don't work or I just don't like. I almost always come away with a handful of new treasures.

This time, as I cruised through my favorites, I didn't feel that same excitement wondering what new find would present itself to me. I instead found myself wondering if it went with the color palette I was focusing on (instead of the collect them all approach to color). I considered if I had any holes in my current wardrobe that I need to fill (I'm looking for a sport, high quality winter coat that I could wear hiking or out doors.... but not much else). In the past I would have simply wondered if I had anything exactly like it.

Rather then grabbing interesting colors and patterns I found myself thinking, "I don't need this, I have plenty of shirts like that, I wouldn't wear this, I have nicer dresses then this already".

It sounds like a subtle shift, but I quickly finished my lap, unimpressed, and left the store without a single purchase.

Tiny first steps for long lasting change.

Guilt over time off

November has been a rough month. I've been fighting off a cold basically since the end of September. My class has been growing, and most of my kids seem to have pretty difficult behavior issues. Lots of aggressiveness and anger. I've been in rehearsal for Night Before Christmas, and my weekends have been spent traveling to SCA events, visits to Ben, or other friends and family.

All of this is to say that I'm a little bit run down. Night Before Christmas is opening tonight and Monday night at dress rehearsal I felt that familiar twinge in my throat that indicates my voice is about to go.

I've been playing it easy, and holding back, but teaching all day plus rehearsing is totally killing me. I've also just been feeling exhausted. I decided to stay home Wednesday and sleep. I needed it, I had the sick time. Running myself into the ground does no one any good. But I felt HORRIBLY guilty.

In the past, I've been very judgey about colleagues, co-workers, cast mats calling in sick if they aren't actually sick. I've had friends call in because of hang overs, to socialize, do homework. I've never done that. I always made it to class as a student, and almost never call into work unless I'm literally throwing up, or can't get out of bed. Last year, I was actually home sick in bed for several days, laid out by a virus. At another time my colleagues made me go home because i literally couldn't speak. As a substitute I would go in when I had a cold, and some times I think I was sicker then the teacher who had stayed home.

But I have sick pay now. I have over 200 hours of sick leave now. And it's there for me to use when I'm not well. It does roll over, so I can save it for the future, in case I'm ever seriously ill. But it's there for me to use it. I am a better teacher if I am healthy. And staying home a couple of days right now can be the difference between me suffering through the last few weeks of school, or being engaged and heading energetically towards Winter Break. Not to mention, my show might be a casualty if I push myself to far.

But despite preparing, leaving good plans, and telling everyone ahead of time I have terrible guilt about taking the time. Is this anxiety? Imposter Syndrome? Am I worried I'm being lazy? What is this? Why can't I just accept that am not doing well and need the rest? I've never been particularly good at giving myself a break, and as a person who rarely gets TRULY sick, I think I often sell myself short when I'm just a bit under the weather. I may have a small cold for three weeks, instead of being laid out for just a couple of days.

Perhaps my recent focus on mindfulness and minimalism is allowing me to have more compassion for myself physically.

Either way, I'm staying home tomorrow and sleeping, and I feel confidant it's the right choice, and that guilty little voice can just shut up!

What do you do with a blank stare?

Today is Friday. In my classroom that means quiz day. I give quizzes every Friday to my students. They are typically short (2-5 questions) and are always re-takable for a higher grade.

My students slouch in and pour themselves into their desks. The energy in the room palpably falls as I remind them the expectations for the quiz. Dutifully they each complete their quiz to varied results and proceed to melt into human puddles. It's as if their heads are each made of lead and they can barely lift them from the surface of the desk, let alone sit upright enough to gaze at the board.

Despite having 30 minutes left in class (purposefully planned so I could continue instruction) I couldn't get them to do a single thing. With that level of 'quit', I am at a loss. When every other sentence out of my mouth is "please sit up, take your head off the table, open your eyes".

It's hard not to just want to scream at them "Wake up! Pay attention! I can't do this alone!".

14 days of outfits: a reflection

I was trying out my idea of wearing blazers more often. Despite liking a vintage look, I don't accentuate my natural waist much in these outfits. 

 For two weeks I took a picture of my outfits, including when I headed out for a work out. This is part of The Curated Closet book (and work book!) that I'm using to further fine tune my wardrobe and sense of style.

I really love a few of these pieces. It's strange that I ended up using pink so much though. I don't think of myself as much of a pink wearer. 

In some ways there's a lot of variety in color, pieces, silhouettes and style. In other ways my 'uniforms' certainly start to stand out. It's also interesting which looks I like best when I see the picture in contrast with when I was wearing it. The outfit with the orange sweater under the brown cardigan and a purple patterned skirt was one I really liked to wear, but I don't like the way it looks in this photo as much. But maybe it's the crappy lighting.

I'm looking forward to using this reflecting to hone my wardrobe and create a cohesive sense of my style besides 'eclectic and colorful'.

You have to have a reason.

I have come to the decision that after my term as Kingdom Lists is finished, I'm intend to step away from the SCA. I feel like I've been searching for a spark and a draw for the last three years. I feel like I LIKE the SCA, I have fun when I go, and I enjoy the company, the history, the special culture of the SCA. I like being in the know and being involved in activities, tournaments, events, retinue etc. But... I only like it. Lately, while I have a good time participating, I am finding that I do SCA things and go to SCA events because it's what I do, and I feel like I should less then a drive and excitement about the event.

Company of squid hats

I see my friends excited about their new research, or taking on an office, or running an event, or learning a new skill, or improving their fighting. None of that excites me. I have a plan for an Anglo Saxon outfit, I've bought some of the fabric, I've purchased the book to use for research. And it sits there.

I have virtually no drive to go out and learn period music, or do research on period performance styles. I like the idea of sewing outfits, building garb, but I only seem to like the idea. I have a passing interest in the lifestyle of the average medieval person, and learning about what life was like, but the drive has cooled since it's height around 2011 or 12.

I recognize the challenge that the SCA faces as an organization with retention and recruitment. I feel guilty about not being interested. I feel like I am betraying an organization I love if I quit. I'm the sort of driven, organized, talented person that the SCA needs. But I don't know what I'm getting out of it.

If I lacked a sense of social connection or engagement, I have no doubt I could find it in the SCA. But I have lots of stimulus for social engagement. If I lacked intellectual stimulus or challenge, I could absolutely find that in the SCA, but I have my work, my band and many other things that provide challenge and intellectual stimulus. If I lacked creative outlet, I would use the SCA as a medium for creative expression, but I am expressing my art in a multitude of ways now, some of which I feel I don't have time to pursue to the degree that I would like.

I think I need to step away, without any sort of contingencies or time limits, and then see if I feel the loss in my life. If I miss it. If there's one thing I've learned recently, it's that the sentiment 'If you love something, let it go" is incredibly true. Perhaps when I don't have SCA events every few months, I'll feel the loss and recognize what exactly it is I'm draw from the SCA. Then I can reengage in a mindful, purposeful way.

In the meantime, I'll  finish out my term, and continue to dabble as I have been, perhaps I'll find that spark some time in the next year before my term is finished. But if not, that's ok.

Culling the 'Hoard'

One week ago I did a massive culling of my huge collection of clothing.  I've always been a bit of a clothes horse. My family past time is second hand shopping. We pride ourselves on finding unique, high quality items at very small costs. This has led to quite the 'hoard' of items, each awesome and unique in their own way.

Home made skirt, vintage look

thrifted shirt, scarf, coat, shorts...

thrifted boots, skirt I've had
since the 90s, shirt bought in
 Paris, hand made hat

I am highly invested in fashion too. I definitely use my clothing as a way to express my identity. I take great pleasure in matching outfits in eclectic ways, and mixing aesthetics to make an impact when I enter a room.

Vintage wool skirt,
 thrifted belt and top.

Thrifted tights, shoes, scarf,
Hot Topic skirt

With Elena at Oregon Country Fair.
Jolie Coquette Playsuit,
thrifted accessories,
hand made hat (not by me)

But over the years my collection has burgeoned to the point of a horde, where on laundry day, I don't have room to put everything away. I couldn't make outfits or utilize the awesome pieces I had because I could barely find anything in my overflowing drawers and closet.

I've been through the purge and grow stage many times before, and this time I am taking a somewhat different approach.  Awhile back I read the Life Changing Magic of Tiding Up book that so many people are crazy about. I loved it, and did a major culling. It jump-started me to the idea that perhaps I need to keep things in their space more. My ex-husband is the sort of person who keeps anything that may be useful, and anything that he's remotely sentimental about. I tend towards these qualities as well, but especially when I established my own apartment, without him, once we split up, the urge to push back against the urge to keep everything hit me really hard. But sparks of joy weren't enough to control the coursing river of my fashion binging.

More recently I've been reading and watching a number of videos about minimalism. In particular I've been enjoying Break the Twitch, which focuses more on minimalism as a filter or frame of mind, rather then a specific system of rules. I also discovered Into Mind, a blog and book about applying the ideas of minimalism to your closet and creating a curated closet that fits your needs and lifestyle that is purposeful and purpose-driven.

I purchased Anushka (of Into Mind)'s book, and am utilizing it some as a guide curate my clothing.  I'm currently focusing tracking what I actually wear each day, and getting rid of things that don't fit my body, my lifestyle, my fashion sense, or my standards for construction and materials. While I distill what it is I currently wear and like, I will develop a sense of what I want to move towards, if I decide I need to make changes to the status quo. (The answer there will probably be yes!)

Two tubs for storage on the top, 5 bags gone on the bottom.

With the help of my dear friend Elena, I managed to rid myself of 5 bags of clothing. I also had a tub for off season clothes, and a tub of sentimental clothing to be stored.  Here is what worked this time.

• Don't think too long on any one item. I found if I could decide right away, I wouldn't talk myself into keeping something I didn't really want. 
• Don't force yourself to be binary! Have multiple bags for multiple purposes. I sorted clothes into: keep, toss (aka bring to clothing swap or give to charity shop), off season (summer), sentimental, and Oregon Country Fair memorabilia. I eventually lumped the sentimental and OCF clothing together in one place to be stored and eventually made into a quilt. 
• If in doubt, put it on! Sometimes just seeing a piece of clothing on my body that I hadn't worn in awhile was enough to remind me why I either did or didn't want to keep it. Maybe it's itchy in a weird way, or has a funny length. Maybe it feels cozy, or looks amazing on, even though it's not much to look at on the hanger. 
• Go through it all! I dumped out every drawer and removed every single hanger. I had to look at every single piece, and then really react to how much I really had. Seeing how massive my clothing collection was really helped me to let go of items. 
• Clump similar pieces. Put button ups, sweaters, long work pants, etc. all in piles by similarity. You may have repeats of things you don't realize. It's ok to have more then one of something (I have multiples of black and white striped shirts, red/orange pull over sweaters, dark skinny jeans, and khakis), but you should KNOW you have multiples. If you have several of the same item, it's also a good indicator that it's a mainstay of your current wardrobe. 
• We looked for items I didn't own, but that would allow me use more of my wardrobe. For example we brainstormed, and realized that part of why I don't wear many of my t-shirts is that I don't like the look of t-shirt & jeans, but if you add a classy blazer, or put it with a skirt and tights, I like it better. So I decided I needed to add some blazers to my wardrobe and see if that helps me wear my t-shirts more. I also decided to get a turtleneck to wear under a beige wool dress that I loved, but was both itchy and too close to my skin shade!

  

  Burgundy tights and turtleneck under wool dress.

What's my next step? 

1. Plan a time to go through other elements of my 'Look'. We did clothing, but not hats, shoes or scarves. I also need to go through socks and underwear and dump anything that's falling apart. Since the weekend of the great culling I also made time to go through my toiletries, make up and beauty products. 
2. Continue to document my daily outfits. I'll do a summation post at the end of my two week experiment. 
3. Continue to collect images of outfits that inspire me from Instagram, Look Book and other fashion sources. These should be truly wearable outfits, not high fashion. 
4. Boil all these elements down into a style that is absolutely me. 

   

   Newly organized and cleaned out closet

What other places could I look for inspiration either for the crafting of my curated look, or to continue to apply the attitudes and ideas of mindful minimalism to my life? 

What other rules should I consider as I continue culling the horde/hoard of possessions?

Sometimes Change Changes

One of the massive changes that I anticipated navigating this fall was that of being single. (It's been more then a decade since I was really truly single for more then just a few weeks) In particular, I was faced with being close friends with an ex, that I still wanted to be with.

This weekend that changed. My partner has decided that it's more important for us to be together, and so we will continue our committed romantic relationship.

Now instead of the change of single-dom, I get to navigate the change of the long distance relationship.

I am beyond thrilled, and in many ways feel closer to my partner then I ever have. He's not only one of my closest friends, but he's my creative inspiration, and creates in me the drive to better myself.

Reflecting on the ECLF Kick Off

I didn't know what to expect when I headed to DC for the Early Career Leadership Fellow kick-off. It started with a long day of travel, and we were all a bit punchy by the time re rolled up to the Hilton. We're quite a mix of teachers. Balanced between the levels, and subject matters, from quite the variety of schools, and about a decade of age range. I am not the oldest person in the group!

Lily, SKEA VP Tyler, our cohort and coach Maraline

That aside, we had just a few minutes to change and walk over to the NEA building for dinner. The energy was high, and the welcome was excellent. Several people spoke including representatives from the NEA, and the Consortium for Educational Change (CEC), who are co-sponsoring this program. The highlight was definitely a short speech from NEA president Lily Eskelsen Garcia. She has a contagious, joyful verve about her. She also had a sweet bluntness that I somewhat associate with southerners. She seems the type that will tell you where to stick it with an unwavering authentic smile.

Her speech centered around how grateful she was for early educators like us, reflecting on her experiences as an early educator, and her frustration with the 'old guard' at the time that didn't want to encourage her leadership or new ideas. She emphasized that the NEA values the leadership and ideas of new, young teachers like us, and encouraged us to be vocal and active, even if not everyone in our immediate circles likes what we have to say. If nothing else, hearing her speak energized me, and made me feel valued by the nation wide organization that supports teachers.

The rest of the conference was focused on education about the union, both in general and at a local level, and familiarizing ourselves with out own leadership styles and those of our cohort. We networked, and had conversations. We talked about the different forms leadership can take, and we discussed the different types of unionism.

The discussions on unionism provided the most new information for me. As a child of a teacher that once went on strike over Just Cause, I'm familiar with what they referred to as the 'Industrial' frame of unionism. Protection for pay, working hours, fair policies. This is a very important element of unionism, and something that the OEA, and local associations do pretty well. Oregon is comparatively a pretty great place to be a teacher. I'm also familiar with the political side of unionism. The NEA and other Education Associations spend millions each year on political campaigns supporting school-friendly ballot measures such as Measure 97 in Oregon this year, as well as candidates that are in line with the NEA's goals around education and social justice. The political side of unions seems to fall into both the other two frames; Professional Unionism and Social Justice Unionism. Candidates and laws can have massive effects of those areas, but I hadn't really considered just how much the union works, through research, advocacy, funding and lobbying, to emphasize professionalism and social justice.

Many people who are skeptical of unions perceive them to protect 'bad' employees. However, it makes sense that the union would have a vested interest in ensuring that members are the highest quality of professionals that they can be. Likewise, a social justice focus on trauma informed teaching, addressing lagging skills created by Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs), informing educational practices with an eye towards equity and democracy. These too are within the realm of influence of the union. In particular, learning about how organizations like the Teacher Union Reform Network (TURN) and the CEC help facilitate constructive conversations between districts, administration, lawmakers and teachers opened my eyes up to elements of the union that I find much more engaging then simply the protective and political elements.

At the end of the conference, we walked away looking ahead to find opportunities to engage with other early career teachers, for the purpose of hearing what they have to say and where they are at. I look forward to speaking with my fellow alt-ed teachers about what their experience had been, and where they perceive deficits. Through these sounding board conversations the other fellows and I will develop a Leadership Engagement & Action Project  (LEAP) that addresses the opportunities we find.

I hope I don't sound too much like a walking NEA ad, though I have no doubt that part of their goal, understandably, is to engage and excite young members for the benefit of the strength of the union. I don't begrudge them that because it was also very clear that our skepticism, challenges and questions were also very welcome. The leaders I encountered will thrilled to address and deal with our pointed questions and are ready to do the hard sell for us. This should be a really fantastic journey.

Eating while Travelling

I'm about to head to Portland for the first leg of my Washington DC Adventure. Thinking ahead, one of the things I'm the most anxious about is how I'm going to eat while I'm travelling. I've done a good job eating out and still following the Always Hungry plan, but now I'm going to be in airports and unfamiliar places, with meals provided for me, without a lot of say in them.

To stay on plan I'm going to:

• Hold fast to my commitment to avoid added sugars, but recognize that some times minimal sugar might be the best I can do. 
• Look for high protein options at every chance. Eggs, cheese, meats, nuts.
• Bring dark chocolate with me, to satisfy any cravings or needs for a treat. 
• Load up on veggies and fruits, ask for substitutions if needed.
• Eat when I have the chance, don't wait if I don't have to. 
• Make sure I'm fully caffeinated, don't skimp on the cream, but no sugar in my coffee. 
• For this trip, don't let cost freak me out. I may pay more for premium food this weekend, and that's ok.